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Sunday, August 21, 2016

Current Events, Politics, Parody And Other Musings: Ohio Man Has Sex With Van

Don't try and play Mr. Clean with me! Like you don't  nvever get down and dirty with your mobile equipment!

              

Friday, June 10, 2016

Current Events, Politics, Parody And Other Musings: Democratic And Republican National Conventions To ...

Current Events, Politics, Parody And Other Musings: Democratic And Republican National Conventions To ...:                  If you've been keen to witness truly bacchanalian asshattery on a grand stage, this summer's Democratic and Republ...

Friday, October 9, 2015

Political And Current Event Parody And Other Musings: A Parade of Pride: New York City And St. Patrick's...

Political And Current Event Parody And Other Musings: A Parade of Pride: New York City And St. Patrick's...:             New York City’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade will feature a second LGBT group next year. The parade’s board of directors announced "With friends like this, who needs enemas!"

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Trouble With Fifty-Seven Sexes

The Trouble With 2 Sexes debuted five years ago. Few would have guessed that just five years later Facebook recognizes fifty-seven genders/sexes!
Imagine the possible ramifications: I.D. cards, computer dating, picking players in sports...
Love to get your feedback!
 
 

Monday, August 2, 2010

The World Would be Fraught with Less Drama and Pain were it Inhabited by Folks of Just One Sex

Witness the wild shenanigans that guys perform in hopes of impressing gals: crazy stunts, fights, murder, even running for high office.
The famous British soldier/author, T.E. Lawrence (better known to some of us as Lawrence of Arabia), was asked "Why do men go to war?" His still famous reply was "Because the women are watching."
This behavior is nothing new, nor are the women always innocent. Back in c. 30 AD, John the Baptist really teed-off King Herod Antipas' wife/niece, Herodias, when he said that it was unlawful for Herod to have her.
You see Herodias had previously been married to her other uncle, the king's brother, with whom she had a daughter, Salome. Herod divorced his wife and ushered Herodias into the castle. The fact that Herodias was an unabashed social climber may explain fully or in part why she was so royally enraged by John's pronouncement that she and the king shouldn't be shacking up. Unlike the king, her hostility towards John never diminished and she badgered Herod to the point where he imprisoned John.

On his birthday Herod threw a royal bash of the first magnitude. Knowing that her great-uncle and stepdad, the king, was a big tipper when he drank, Salome performed a humdinger of a lap dance for the king and his cronies for which the king offered Salome anything up to one half of his kingdom (HELLO! Herod, do you think maybe your judgement is a tad impaired?). Salome ran to Mom and asked, "What should I ask for?" Mom replied, "Well honey, do Mommy a favor and ask for the head of John the Baptist delivered on a plate."
"But Mom, that's gross! And anyway what do I get for providing the adult entertainment for the evening?"
"Don't worry honey, Mommy will take care of you."
So Salome returned to Herod and told him that she wanted John's head on a plate (for crying out loud!). Herod was bummed out big time by that request but he had committed himself in front of witnesses so he threw down another shot of shekar and said "Okey-dokey". John's head on a plate was promptly delivered to Salome who brought it to her mom who beamed saying, "Sweetheart, you're the best daughter a mom ever had!"

On the other hand, the trouble with only one sex would be as follows: if there was only one sex there would only be one generation and even if that generation lived for hundreds, or even thousands, of years there would be no magical, romantic times of mutual discovery shared by a man and a woman, both Homo sapiens, but each fueled by different octanes-- one by estrogen and the other by testosterone. You could never experience the miracle of one plus one is equal to or greater than three, resulting from two lovers that brought unique progeny into the world. Nor could you play the old "pull my finger" prank on a grandkid. In short it would be boring.
To quote lyrics from a song that Garth Brooks made into a hit:
"I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance."

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Differences Between the Sexes

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Share Your Funniest and Favorite One-liner Responses to your Spouse's/partner's Inquiries with Us

Example:
Wife: "Honey, why do you stop at the bar every night on the way home from work?"
Husband: "Because, silly, there are no opium dens on the way home from work."