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Friday, October 9, 2015

Political And Current Event Parody And Other Musings: A Parade of Pride: New York City And St. Patrick's...

Political And Current Event Parody And Other Musings: A Parade of Pride: New York City And St. Patrick's...:             New York City’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade will feature a second LGBT group next year. The parade’s board of directors announced "With friends like this, who needs enemas!"

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Trouble With Fifty-Seven Sexes

The Trouble With 2 Sexes debuted five years ago. Few would have guessed that just five years later Facebook recognizes fifty-seven genders/sexes!
Imagine the possible ramifications: I.D. cards, computer dating, picking players in sports...
Love to get your feedback!

Monday, August 2, 2010

The World Would be Fraught with Less Drama and Pain were it Inhabited by Folks of Just One Sex

Witness the wild shenanigans that guys perform in hopes of impressing gals: crazy stunts, fights, murder, even running for high office.
The famous British soldier/author, T.E. Lawrence (better known to some of us as Lawrence of Arabia), was asked "Why do men go to war?" His still famous reply was "Because the women are watching."
This behavior is nothing new, nor are the women always innocent. Back in c. 30 AD, John the Baptist really teed-off King Herod Antipas' wife/niece, Herodias, when he said that it was unlawful for Herod to have her.
You see Herodias had previously been married to her other uncle, the king's brother, with whom she had a daughter, Salome. Herod divorced his wife and ushered Herodias into the castle. The fact that Herodias was an unabashed social climber may explain fully or in part why she was so royally enraged by John's pronouncement that she and the king shouldn't be shacking up. Unlike the king, her hostility towards John never diminished and she badgered Herod to the point where he imprisoned John.

On his birthday Herod threw a royal bash of the first magnitude. Knowing that her great-uncle and stepdad, the king, was a big tipper when he drank, Salome performed a humdinger of a lap dance for the king and his cronies for which the king offered Salome anything up to one half of his kingdom (HELLO! Herod, do you think maybe your judgement is a tad impaired?). Salome ran to Mom and asked, "What should I ask for?" Mom replied, "Well honey, do Mommy a favor and ask for the head of John the Baptist delivered on a plate."
"But Mom, that's gross! And anyway what do I get for providing the adult entertainment for the evening?"
"Don't worry honey, Mommy will take care of you."
So Salome returned to Herod and told him that she wanted John's head on a plate (for crying out loud!). Herod was bummed out big time by that request but he had committed himself in front of witnesses so he threw down another shot of shekar and said "Okey-dokey". John's head on a plate was promptly delivered to Salome who brought it to her mom who beamed saying, "Sweetheart, you're the best daughter a mom ever had!"

On the other hand, the trouble with only one sex would be as follows: if there was only one sex there would only be one generation and even if that generation lived for hundreds, or even thousands, of years there would be no magical, romantic times of mutual discovery shared by a man and a woman, both Homo sapiens, but each fueled by different octanes-- one by estrogen and the other by testosterone. You could never experience the miracle of one plus one is equal to or greater than three, resulting from two lovers that brought unique progeny into the world. Nor could you play the old "pull my finger" prank on a grandkid. In short it would be boring.
To quote lyrics from a song that Garth Brooks made into a hit:
"I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance."

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Differences Between the Sexes

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Share Your Funniest and Favorite One-liner Responses to your Spouse's/partner's Inquiries with Us

Wife: "Honey, why do you stop at the bar every night on the way home from work?"
Husband: "Because, silly, there are no opium dens on the way home from work."

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Once I was Macho

Check out these Amazon links to my all-time favorite chick flicks for BOTH women AND men!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sexual Stimuli: How Men and Women Differ Part 1--Visual

Men are aroused by visual stimuli much more than women. Guys frequent "gentlemen's" clubs (heavy on the quotation marks) far more often than women visit any venue featuring male strippers. For many women the thought of a strange man rubbing his nearly naked, sweaty body against her is simply not very appealing. Nor, in fact, is the female likely to find him any sexier naked than if he were attired in the sort of male "plumage" that she favors.

The same is true for media displays of male nudity.The biggest fans of nudie magazines and internet porn sites featuring disrobed men are not women. Rather they are the homosexual male population.

Finally--and this is important for women to know--many heterosexual women would actually prefer seeing a fully exposed woman over a fully exposed man. The male anatomy simply isn't as lovely as that of the female. It lacks the graceful, compound curves. It has reproductive organs that, although functional, look like they were installed aftermarket as an afterthought. The sperm and testosterone producing testicles reside in a sac that is about as pleasing to the eye as its name, scrotum, is to the ear.

In contrast, the sight of another woman exposing herself can sometimes evoke stimuli that can trigger common sexual fantasies such as that of being with another woman, or of herself being the exposed woman on display, at once vulnerable and yet passively empowered (exhibitionism, not voyeurism). However those fantasies would likely be more vivid had she read a naughty novel relating to them because her imagination would create imagery more exciting than any visual feed.

Normal males like to look at the females' charms. We're not talking just about Peeping Tom's here. By definition, both legally and medically, only the Peeping Tom's are true voyeurs. Voyeurism is a paraphilia (the word combines two Greek words, "para", meaning "besides" or "outside of" and "philia", meaning "love"). A paraphilia is a deviant obsession that could include inanimate objects, children, non-consenting adults, or humiliation--stuff that most of us would view as disgusting rather than exciting.

A voyeur's method of operation typically is to stealthfully spy upon an unsuspecting woman (usually a stranger) undressing or having sex. The hallmark of true voyeurism is secret (non-consenting) observation. Normal guys, for whom privacy invasion isn't a hobby, enjoy viewing gals who are in some manner putting themselves on display at home, on the beach, at the club, at Mardi Gras, on the internet etc.

The female tendency is exhibitionism. She is more prone to wear revealing clothing than is the male. Plunging necklines that exhibit copious quantities of cleavage, miniskirts that display her thighs, short-shorts and Daisy Dukes that draw attention to her derriere, bras that showcase her endowment, loose peekaboo clothing, tight clothing that reveals every contour, diaphanous clothes that leave little to the imagination, beachwear and underwear-that-almost-isn't, such as thongs and g-strings, are all very popular and thus support the assertion made in this paragraph's topic sentence.

Sure, those who are arrested for indecent exposure are predominantly males who practice a nasty and aggressive sort of indecent exposure. These clowns get off on the perception that they have surprised, shocked, or impressed their unsuspecting target. The shock that they see in their victim, often a woman or a child of either sex, is their kinky payday. Yes, it may be exhibitionism of a nasty and aggressive sort, but it's arguably also a bizarre form of voyeurism when these perps get their jollies seeing the shock in the faces of those whom they have targeted.

Flashers and weenie waggers have a compulsive sexual disorder that also falls under the category of paraphilias because it involves non-consent. Sure, one could argue that non-consent can also be involved when a woman exposes herself, but let's not be silly. You show me a guy who wouldn't grant his consent (just to avoid hurting her feelings, of course), and I'll show you either the gayest guy on the planet or a woman whose picture has been featured more than once on those ubiquitous People of Walmart emails.

For the most part, if a woman exposes herself with even the slightest bit of discretion she can be confident that she has implied consent on her side. Please allow me to share a true story with you--one of many that supports this point. I was manning a Lincoln-Mercury booth some years ago. I had strayed from my booth to resume a conversation with a cop (on duty) whom I'd befriended earlier in the day. We picked up our conversation from where we'd left off when we saw a couple pass through the turnstile that caught our attention. The gal was wearing Daisy Dukes that she had taken to the next--and final--level. She had trimmed them up to the belt loops. When she sat upon a bench and raised her knee to make some adjustment to one of her shoes, her mons was on display. While walking, her derriere was completely exposed. The vertical seam was all that remained of the back of her "pants", but it was so entrenched in her lovely furrow that it was rendered invisible.

The twosome bought a couple of Memphis Dry Rub Ribs when she dropped a napkin and bent over to pick it up. At that very moment a big drunk guy, who had been spilling much of his beer, crouched down behind her for closer inspection and exclaimed, "Hey lady, your butt ate your shorts!" Daisy Duke turned to her guy and fumed "Beat him Up!" Her guy just shook his head and resumed walking. The cop started towards the couple and I asked him "Are you going to bust her?" He replied, "For what? Indecent exposure? She looks pretty decent to me! I just want to make sure that a fight doesn't erupt here."

Had it been a guy exposing as much of himself, well, what do you think? I think that busting him or booting him would have been imperative.

The female is programmed to be an exhibitionist of sorts, whereas the male is programmed to be a "voyeur" of sorts.
When you really think about it, the design is immaculate.